Accountable Infinity However (Letters to Myself)
18 sept 2008
15 sept 2008
working on not freaking out
succeeding somewhat?
applying for jobs
maybe going to Oregon this weekend?
that's all that's up--it doesn't even deserve full sentences, eh? ¶ 17:28 0 comments
succeeding somewhat?
applying for jobs
maybe going to Oregon this weekend?
that's all that's up--it doesn't even deserve full sentences, eh? ¶ 17:28 0 comments
13 sept 2008
what a bunch of young professionals
DC was amazing, but i didn't get the job. It was really nice though to see Julie, meet her roommate Christine, and go to the Smithsonian for a day without my five-year-old sister. i pretty much never thought of going to DC, but after a few days there i'm entirely convinced moving there would have been wonderful... key words being 'could have.'
The interview, though, really was worth it (even if i didn't get the job, free trip to DC so it's not like i can really complain). And as a very, very special bonus, the people that interviewed me actually were nice. As in treated me like an intelligent adult and with respect. It's literally been so long since anything i've said or think about anything that matters was actually listened to that i've forgotten how wonderful it is. i also learned more about the federal government than i really cared to know, and it gave me a few new ideas of places to apply.
So since then i've been working, working, working, and getting homesick to various degrees, and trying not to freak out. Back to reality for me! i seriously need to get a job though, i'm not going to put the Junk Mail Factory on my resume, and boat cleaning only lasts another month or so. Working both those jobs is really not a good idea, i've been really tired every day that i can even remember, and i don't have time (or internet at home for that matter) to actually be looking for jobs. Zach graciously let me use his comp the other day, and i'll probably do that again tomorrow since there's no library on Sundays.
Ralph gave me a big pep-talk the other day when i told him that i didn't get the DOE job, and it really made me angry (to say the least). It's so great that now, after two and a half years of me being a dropout, he's so very concerned about my job prospects. Too bad he didn't care back when his opinion--or better yet, his actions--mattered.
i know i'm smart, i know i care, blah blah blah. That's the whole thing; if i didn't care about my career these years of failure wouldn't matter, and if i somehow believed that what i wanted to do wasn't important i wouldn't be upset about not getting to do it. So no, i do not want a pep-talk from anybody telling me that i'll eventually get the job, because i know that. (And no, i do not want anyone, especially my beyond lassiez-faire father to suggest it's 'just a set back.' If it was just a fucking set back there would be some hope that at any point in the future, there would ever (ever!) be a time when i can forget Nightmare 2006-2008, and maybe look anyone in the eye and tell them anything that matters about myself.) i had a 3.4 at fucking Madison, for christ sake, i know i'm not an idiot. The real question is, when i do eventually get a job, will it even matter anymore? Now that i know how little i matter to anybody?
i want to go home, but there's no home to go to. i want my friends to care, but i'm not going to demand that they do. Frankly, i'm tired of begging, and i don't think i should have even had to that in the first place.
So begins another week in my stupid life.
'i'm going to live in the city with no friends or family/i'm going to look out the window of my color tv' ¶ 16:11 0 comments
DC was amazing, but i didn't get the job. It was really nice though to see Julie, meet her roommate Christine, and go to the Smithsonian for a day without my five-year-old sister. i pretty much never thought of going to DC, but after a few days there i'm entirely convinced moving there would have been wonderful... key words being 'could have.'
The interview, though, really was worth it (even if i didn't get the job, free trip to DC so it's not like i can really complain). And as a very, very special bonus, the people that interviewed me actually were nice. As in treated me like an intelligent adult and with respect. It's literally been so long since anything i've said or think about anything that matters was actually listened to that i've forgotten how wonderful it is. i also learned more about the federal government than i really cared to know, and it gave me a few new ideas of places to apply.
So since then i've been working, working, working, and getting homesick to various degrees, and trying not to freak out. Back to reality for me! i seriously need to get a job though, i'm not going to put the Junk Mail Factory on my resume, and boat cleaning only lasts another month or so. Working both those jobs is really not a good idea, i've been really tired every day that i can even remember, and i don't have time (or internet at home for that matter) to actually be looking for jobs. Zach graciously let me use his comp the other day, and i'll probably do that again tomorrow since there's no library on Sundays.
Ralph gave me a big pep-talk the other day when i told him that i didn't get the DOE job, and it really made me angry (to say the least). It's so great that now, after two and a half years of me being a dropout, he's so very concerned about my job prospects. Too bad he didn't care back when his opinion--or better yet, his actions--mattered.
i know i'm smart, i know i care, blah blah blah. That's the whole thing; if i didn't care about my career these years of failure wouldn't matter, and if i somehow believed that what i wanted to do wasn't important i wouldn't be upset about not getting to do it. So no, i do not want a pep-talk from anybody telling me that i'll eventually get the job, because i know that. (And no, i do not want anyone, especially my beyond lassiez-faire father to suggest it's 'just a set back.' If it was just a fucking set back there would be some hope that at any point in the future, there would ever (ever!) be a time when i can forget Nightmare 2006-2008, and maybe look anyone in the eye and tell them anything that matters about myself.) i had a 3.4 at fucking Madison, for christ sake, i know i'm not an idiot. The real question is, when i do eventually get a job, will it even matter anymore? Now that i know how little i matter to anybody?
i want to go home, but there's no home to go to. i want my friends to care, but i'm not going to demand that they do. Frankly, i'm tired of begging, and i don't think i should have even had to that in the first place.
So begins another week in my stupid life.
'i'm going to live in the city with no friends or family/i'm going to look out the window of my color tv' ¶ 16:11 0 comments
