Okay, people I have comments.

They are barely visible. But I will change the colour scheme eventually.

You don't have to be a genius to put your face up and sing! ~Ani~  ¶ 09:32 0 comments

  I've noticed most of my posts of late have tended to the short anecdotal side of things. So I'm going to string a bunch of my thoughts today into one post, and see if I can find a common thread.

-Does anyone else find those Eau Clarie Foundation ads rather morbid? "If you love it- leave it something!" "If you have the Will, We have the Way". It's like they want the rich old people to die already. Hurry up gramps!

-I just failed a grammer test.

-I really wish I could speak French. See, Disney has this thing with putting one French phrase in their songs and I have this thing with getting Disney songs in my head years after I've last seen the movie. "le poissons le poissons how I love le le poissons such a sweet and a succulent crab! le poissons le poissons hee hee hee huh huh huh! ... doesn't hurt cause you're dead! and you're certainly lucky you are! cause it's gonna be hot in my big boiling pot!" Yeah. Anyway, the French obviously have the most fun of anyone because the can do the crazy nasally thing all day long. hee hee hee huh huh huh.

-I did do some of my Spanish homework today. The Spanish are apparently great squealers. I never noticed this during my two visits to Spain. So it's actually the voice actors on my Fuentes tape. I can't decide if it's annoying squeals (my sister) endearing squeals (Sarah Heart & Alex) or wake you up in the morning and praise the lord the nineties are over squeals (Cher from Clueless).

-The computer next to me is loud.

-I have not seen Sarah I. & Justin in two days. I know, I know, I haven't seen any of you people I know in real life in forever. However, Sarah, Justin, and Megan are my good friends here on campus and the only people I see without making advance plans. I even went to Racy's twice and saw none of them. Strange.

-I have started tutoring Barbie in Spanish. Our first two lessons got very little achieved, but I think I may actually force Barbie to work. She's doing the whole home schooling thing, which I guess I don't understand. I for one am very happy I was able to go to public school. Then again, school to me meant a very different thing than it does to most people, I am sure.

-I am hungry.

-I have to work tonight, at Oakwood Villa. I work with hyperserious Jeremy. Yay.

-I worked last night at Rocky's. I worked with hypercool Sarah Heart. Yay!

-I realize it's impossible to tell when I'm being sarcastic & when I'm serious. Hm. I must work out a system. Or just not care.

-Sarah Heart's current post high school ambition is to travel. You know, hike, see beautiful places, write. I was all, 'whoaa, me too'. So we're thinking to go together somewhere. We will see.

-Money sucks.

-I've been listening to lots of Ani (which is normal).

-Bekah: Will you be in town this weekend? Do you have a car yet?

-The phrase "god forbid" is actually very funny. "God forbid!" Do you realize God forbade a lot of things (the ten commandments) but that did nothing? I am eleven! the number that transgresses all sin! Sin!

-I was reading a book, Nomad, by Mary Anne Fitzgerald (she was an English correspondent to Africa for the London Times). In one part, she is literally walking across the desert with some Samburu guys in northern Kenya when her associate from the office in Nairobi (the capital of Kenya) comes driving by in a Jeep on his way to go camping for the weekend. Remember, she is in the desert, miles from any sort of settlement.
Guy: Mary Anne! What are you doing?
MA: Walking to--
Guy: You shouldn't be hiking in the desert, blah blah blah blah blah
Anyway, the point of this is later Mary Anne & company take the same route to visit the Lesepan again. Only this time they've named the trail Mary Anne! What are you doing? I just found that really funny. I want an obscure desert highway named Sarah! What are you doing? I must plimgrimage more often.

-Good luck MHS foreinsics!

Okay, I'm done for now. Common threads? Nope. Gonna go eat. (That was excessively anecdotal. Ha! I like bullets today!)  ¶ 09:14 0 comments

  Ah! I should do my homework....  ¶ 10:26 0 comments

 

What Spooky Being are You?
  ¶ 08:56 0 comments

  Still hot, still sexy, still dead.... (still the best male lyricist EVER)




click here to find out which Beatle are you!!

I must say this quiz takes the whole 'Ringo likes to spend his days doing somersaults and eating chicken pot pie' stereotype a little far. But who's to say, maybe he really is like that.

  ¶ 20:46 0 comments

  I'd like to tell ya'll a little story about pants.

This one time Barbie & I went pants shopping. I bought some black pants, and wore them to school. I was really bored in Xtreme Calc that day (dzubay actually taught math) so I decided to start naming things. Since I had realized during the day that the pants were, in fact, way too big, I named them the Obese pants.

Later that day, at play practice:

Sarah Heart: Nice pants!
Me: OBESE
Sarah Heart: (walks away in fear and confusion)

Sarah & I didn't know each other too well then.... and since I do things like this with some frequency, I occasionally wonder how I get to know anyone at all.

today:
Me: (discovers pants, laughs)
Heather: What's so funny?
Me: PANTS!
Heather: Let me see.
Me: (hands Heather pants) OBESE
Heather: (walks away in fear and confusion)  ¶ 20:28 0 comments

  I just realized I'm a glutton for punishment. At least I'm not a libertine for _______. (analogy fails me)  ¶ 07:20 0 comments

  Against all odds, my dad managed to make me moral.
I caught myself explaining something in terms of "rights and responsibilites" this morning.
Weird.

In other news, remember our black family room? My dad painted it last night. Too bad it's winter and now the house smells like paint. Paint smell, however, covers up dog/cat/ferret smell very well.  ¶ 07:17 0 comments

  Now Heather has changed the channel... but now we're watching "I'm a dumb middle age guy who's wife died and my eight year old attempts to save my sould through talk radio" viva Laura Schlessinger! (did I ever tell ya'll about that time my dad bought me one of her books and I couldn't even fake a "that's a nice thought!" I told him he must be an awful dumb *person* if he thinks I'd need something like that... but of course with more profanity for good measure. I think that was the first time I hurt my dad's feelings. But honestly....)  ¶ 20:00 0 comments

  And I must remind myself every day:
You were born as rich as they come; not fiscally, but socially, and you chose this life. You continue to choose this life. There is a point after which there can be no turning back; but you're probably not there yet. Redemption is always allowed. By them, anyway. Forgiveness isn't. But you refuse regret.

Yay for melodramtic day. In my monologue that WILL NEVER SHUT UP.

Because I have realized(decided) that there are some questions that are unfair to ask; and even if asked should not be answered. [...] Well.

My stupid cat, Thomas, decided my box I'm making for Elyse would be a good place to rest his bum. Too bad his stupid claws ruined the box. I rarely get angry at my cat... it's pointless... but GOD. I was almost actually done with that box. It's the box that will not die.

Heather is watching some 'daughter of myne falls in love and I'm stupid and middle aged how do I adjust?' show. Yay. At least when it's my sister I can tell her to change the channell. Wait, it never works. Wait, we get three channels. "tonights we're talking about wishes and dreams! What's your dream? Jingle bells backwards! Sing!" Well. "trust me jonah, he won't be angry. " I must stop.

Oh, kitty so cute! Fine, I forgive you.  ¶ 19:47 0 comments

  some dance to remember/some dance to forget

(audial memory yay)  ¶ 22:20 0 comments

  "But Frank was tired of snuffing out lives one soul at a time. The [sharpened] ferret bow, the salami club, the seven-bladed sword, they just weren't enough any more. He needed something bigger. He needed something ballistic. He needed something nasty. He needed blowfish stuffed with exploding beetles." ~Epidapheles~
(a blogger with a delightful mix of Douglas Adams humour & civic awareness)  ¶ 09:19 0 comments

  Ian's latest idea is great.  ¶ 10:54 0 comments

  Max: the origins of the no-pants party are as such:
One time Nik & Tony were talking (though it is now lost to the lores of history who exactly said this) and someone said it'd be pretty cool if we had a no- pants party. You may wear skirts, shorts, or nothing at all if you so desire, but abosolutely no pants allowed. Nik's house was immediately declared the most hospitable for such an event, as myne is now alive with dogs, and they never wear pants anyway.  ¶ 10:45 0 comments

  This semester I will discover how many cappicinos and/or hot chocolates it is possible for one person to drink.  ¶ 10:31 0 comments

  Whoa.. wish come true! (I don't believe in linear time)



What Was Your PastLife?
  ¶ 15:04 0 comments

  I wish I was Thomas!



Take the Purrsonality Quiz!
  ¶ 15:00 0 comments

  It is very cold outside, and I, your faithful hero, just visited the coldest spot in Wisconsin. You guessed it, the UWEC footbridge. It IS the coldest spot in our gorgeous northern state, and I know this because
-I have experienced it.
-Doug said so.
-He also cited some scientific study to this effect.
Doug is one of the managers at Rocky's, that intrepid pizzeria that ya'll've heard so much about. Doug knows a little bit about everything, plus he's been struck by lightening, and went to a high school where his bio teacher commited suicide and no one noticed for several months.

Suicide, is in fact, what I was thinking about crossing aforementioned subtemperate bridge. Not my own, of course, just wondering how many have gone out off that pretty lil' footbridge.

See, every year or so somebody dissappears into the Chippewa River, and I think the reason is that the campus is built next to the river, and 30 of everybody's favorite bars are on the other side. In the early summer it is very easy to wade/swim from Little Niagara, right on to the other shore, a mere half block from the Nasty Habit. However, the rest of the year, the reverse is nearly impossible. Especially while drunk.

Or maybe people are stupid and can't swim.

I also enjoy how the Library is built in a 5-year floodplain. Yay for landgrant institutions. (no really! you can have the land for free!)

Anyway, my classes so far today have been excellent. English will be hard, but oh well I knew that when I signed up. Spanish will be crazy hard. Jenny B, you better be suffering. Because no one knows suffering untill they haven't thought about the subjunctive in what? six months? and then have to conjugate preferir in all tenses. Mierda! My teacher, however, is way cool, something like pentalingual native of Madrid with a tendency to remininse about his daughter's ballet recitals, circa 1983. My English teacher is a spaz. I do not use the word lightly. Intro to Environmental & Public Health also seems excellent. God forbid I shall live in EC much longer, but if I do, that'd be my major. It's good times. Maybe I'm a spaz. Hm.

Mr. Neilson, the ENPH teacher, is retiring after this semester and has somewhat of a penchant for geography. Weird. He did, however, use the phrase "swan song", which I've never heard except in Ani's song Both Hands. Anything or anyone who reminds me of Ani automatically wins a truckload of cool points.

So on to Language Theory & Acquistion. I'm really afraid.... my prof is the stunningly brilliant but somewhat uptight DR. Rynolds. First impression only, thus far, but this could turn out to be hard. The text book is all into "Psychology of Language, as taught my the Behaviourists" blah blah blah. Detailed stuff.... but I suppose I need this for the certification. What- EV.  ¶ 14:54 0 comments

  The difference between love and obsession is patience. ~Kevin~  ¶ 08:29 0 comments

  ANI HAS A NEW ALBUM THIS SPRING!!!

I already knew this, but it makes me very happy anyway.

March 11, baby.

  ¶ 08:24 0 comments

  John got pins put in his knee today at the St. Joe's hospital in Chippewa. My mom just called, time for a good ol fashioned medicine run! She's in such a frenzy... she's always in a frenzy. She is the one person I know who should really never be provoked.  ¶ 14:41 0 comments

  "i would like to perfect the art
of being studiously aloof

life is just a boring chore
and i am living proof

i could join forces with an army
of ordinary hipsters
but then i guess i'd be out of a job
so i guess that's out of the picture

cuz i'm a pixie
i'm a paperdoll
i'm a cartoon
i'm a chipper-cheerful-free-for-all
and i light up a room
i'm the color me happy girl
miss live and let live
and when they're out for blood
i always give"
~Ani~  ¶ 14:37 0 comments

  What does Ani mean "well no, not biblically"?  ¶ 20:33 0 comments

  John (my stepfather) broke his leg today.

I have no idea what they'll do now. John can't exactly farm one-legged. This is terrible....
Plus my mom had a court date tomorrow that has been delegated to me. Did I ever mention how great she is? But I couldn't say no, being a drastic situation and timing and all.

I hope they won't have to sell the farm, or even some cows. Cows are quite literally his life. It was really nice, though, Rachel, his sister, her son & Ron & Lolita & the Foresters & even Craig all came by to help out today, and I guess Rachel (John's sister, not myne!) will be doing milking in the near future.
  ¶ 19:56 0 comments

  I'm at Bekah's now, on the last day of our vacation. I have 17 credits this semester.... so I will have no time for anything. Oh god. On the amazingly cool plus side, I think I just owe UWEC a couple hundred as opposed to the couple thousand I thought. Way for the government to give me money!

I am officially a Sophomore.   ¶ 11:29 0 comments

  Hmm. I am very happy blogger has decided to work again! We will see how long this lasts. I have a blog at pitas now, too, but their format is real bad compared to blogger's. Anyone know of any other sites I could try?

Worked at OV this morning, on my way to Rocky's as we speak.

Yesterday I worked at OV, then had to get my family portrait done with my mother, Rachel, & John. It was interesting... my mom was unusually uptight, even for her. I don't understand the way she acts around John. They've known each other for thirty years, been married for three, and she still has this personality change when she's around him. Or maybe she doesn't act like herself around me... though I doubt that.

We went out to eat with Seth's family (Rachel's exboyfriend), which consists of Misty, Seth, Penny, and quasi-fam Jenny. Rachel just kind of stopped talking to Seth weeks ago; she "isn't entertained by him" anymore; so I guess that means they broke up. It will be years before my mother figures this out. This means we get to hang out with them all all the time indefiently. Oh boy.

So that was delightful. Suzanne Andretta got married forever ago (another witness friend) & her EC reception was yesterday.... Mom was so happy I was there, if only because I talked to "some nice young brothers". Yeah, you know it. To make my mother shut up I am lame enough to feign interest in what some stupid pioneer from Nielsville is talking about. Which is normally nothing; because everybody knows I am not a good Witness, what would they talk about with a goat-pretender like that? So my mom & John left around 8 for milking. You know it; I split.

Gus's B-day par-tay was yesterday, we watched SLC Punk!, the crazy best movie ever, and played Trivial Pursuit. I was so happy to be there... I can't even express. I mean, Gus is a great person, and to be real general, all of those guys are great. I get so bored, depressed even, seeing all those old witesses... life gets them down. Armageddon hasn't come yet, and it gets to a point when people began to doubt themselves... blah blah blah you've heard this one before. Plus, Misty is the worst gossip ever- she really shreds my nerves. But my friends now- life doesn't get them down. I mean it does, but they know how to deal with humour or wit or just being weird. Something I can't even write.  ¶ 14:11 0 comments

 

  ¶ 23:31 0 comments

  Went to the Gay 90s in Minneapolis with Alex, Abbey, and Chris today. I vowed to myself never to go clubbing in America when I was in Spain, because I knew it could not be near that cool anywhere I could actually go. (wisconsin yay) While I was right about clubbing in these parts not being as good, at least now I have a basis for comparison. It was a good time.

Actually we just 'went club' b/c we only went to one place.

I learned:
-what exactly a drag show is
-Alex is the hottest gay Mexican known to man (in shiny bluuuuuue)
-Abbey can make boys cry with her laugh
-Chris gets the whole "right vs. left" thing confused... but we forgive him  ¶ 01:03 0 comments

  New template... what do they mean I can't republish my archives??  ¶ 10:00 0 comments

  A week is forever when you have a short attention span.  ¶ 09:55 0 comments

  The following was supposed to be posted about 1:45 am; Blogger, however, did not comply.

While I cannot say I have left no regrets, I can say they are not the infinite mass I alluded to earlier. I am happy with my life so far; either I'm getting complacent, old, or accepting (I damn well hope it's accepting). I may be leaving duality behind; boy that would be great.

I was talking about money/education earlier today with Bekah & Nik today, and I have come to two conclusions:
1) my friends are awesome.
2) my parents suck at money management.

Because:

In all reality, I should have college paid for, no problem. But my stupid parents got divorced in 1992 and took a full decade to finally settle child custody (and my mother is about to start it all again about Rachel... but what else is new?) I.e., they have lawyer bills like no tomorrow; and then my father got divorced again last year, there goes the money again! So we’re poor though my dad gets paid buckets now.

I hypothetically should be two years ahead of what I am in school, because I should have started kindergarten in 1988 not 1989 (but my mom would have been lonely w/o me). I was supposed to skip third grade but my mother moved my sister & I to Milwaukee, and didn't put me in school that year so my father couldn't find us. By the time we came back (were forced back) to EC, the school year was mostly over and they concluded I actually did skip third grade, so 'see ya in the fall for fourth grade!' Yippee. I was incredibly angry for the rest of elementary school.

I told Bekah & Nik about this, and they were all, 'actually, we're glad you ended up in our grade' (Nik: I would have been bored without you. Bekah: I wouldn't be the person I am without you.) Wow, they really made me feel appreciated. Now, I'm sure if I had been in the class of 2000 or 2001 rather than 2002, I would have had some really great friends there. But they really are great. Also, I have a lot of younger friends I simply wouldn't have known had I been in an earlier class. Barbie, Mary, Sarah and Tony come to mind. Life without them.... jeez.

So there are regrets, and then there are regrets. Mistakes are made, but it has worked out. I’m just happy there are people out there who are glad to know me.
  ¶ 09:55 0 comments

  Well, this is weird:


The Band Quiz By Rahel

  ¶ 22:13 0 comments

  Last night (this morning) in my dreams:

I am holding a basket, and in the weave I read "leave no regrets". I look up and realize I'm in a church, at the end of the center aisle leading to the alter, which is almost too far away to see; but I know there are people there. I'm little, and I'm dressed as a flower girl. I walk towards the alter, dropping petals from the basket, but the basket keeps getting heavier. I look at it, and on each petal is written a regret, or a mistake, or something I'm ashamed of. I turn the basket over and shake, the petals fall and cover my feet, but the basket is still full. I start running towards the alter, but now the pews on either side of me are full of people; on one side all the people who have ever disliked me; on the other side all the people I've ever disliked or done something cruel to. I keep running, but the alter is getting no closer and the basket no lighter. I know if I ever reach the alter, I will meet someone who I can like and who likes me. But it's always on the horizon.  ¶ 11:02 0 comments

  The child I was would scorn the woman I am becoming.   ¶ 00:59 0 comments

  My dad took Jessi & Sklyer (or Spencer??) for a walk today. Too bad the other two dogs, Larken & Spencer (or Skyler??) ran outside too & my dad spent half an hour chasing them. The joyyyyyyyyyys of pets!  ¶ 00:27 0 comments

  This whole "I have a family now" thing may not be so great. I have the feeling Kim will get my half of the garage any day now. Then it is less likely that my car will start. Good thing I got my alternator fixed, ay?

Speaking of my stupid car, Nik is an amazing great friend, because this one time, yah, like last time it died, he jumped it. At midnight, in the frozen sleet. Yay. I bet he's happy I got my alternator fixed too.

Ghostworld is an excellent movie.

Bekah & I went to MHS today; it was real weird. I'm significantly older than everyone there, and it felt strange. I hang out with Sarah & Mary & Tony & my sister & other highschoolers all the time; but mostly I don't think about age at all. It's weird, Sarah Heart is one of my very best friends ever & she's almost three years younger than me. That is not really much, but considering we're still teenagers, it is. Anyway, it was Ashley's last GLASS meeting ever, she's graduating at semester & moving on to the U of River Falls for marketing (???? I should know that). So we had to go to the party, and of course, antagonize Slep. (I think that's all I did in highschool.)

Abby, my ex-step-sister, was my informant on this one. It's strange, because the circumstances of Julie & my Dad breaking up weren't exactly what we'd call "civil"; in fact it was often referred to my dad in quite profane terms. But I missed her so much at first, and now it's weird that that was a year & a half ago. Seems like much more, but I suppose it's because so much has happened in the last year or so. Abby is an incredibly creative person, absolutely hilarious in fact. But she was not always kind, per se. This may be because Rachel & I were not so kind to each other in the first place, and Abby learned about 'sisterhood' from us (and because I am oldest, the blame can safely lie with me [god damn whoops; i'm not a very good person]).

Anyway, I guess it'd be nice to get to know her on a 'not related so it's mandatory to like you' sort of way, because I do think we'd get along well. We will see. Back in the day, ie, last fall, I was so worried about "what willllllllll become of my dear little missing sister??" but I think she'll be okay. There are some things everybody has to learn for themselves, and some mistakes of our parents we all must rationalize ourselves.

It's times like these that I miss talking to Graham. He had this great theory, something about to be truly great you must know the greatest hardship, the greatest sorrow, the greatest catastrophe. And you will rise above it all (don't worry Sarah!).

I relistened to Little Plastic Castle yesterday. MY GOD that is a GREAT album. Oh my god. I listened to that, and really very little other than that all of 8th & 9th grade, and now I remember why. It's because Ani is a beautiful, beautiful genius. I have the album almost completely memorized, when I get bored standing in line or at work I start at a random point and play it, but actually listening to it I realized the entire thing is too fast in my head, and the real version almost sounds lethargic. Untill she sings a stanza I ususally edit in my head & I remember how freaking cool Ani is.

8 legged freaks is not a very good movie. But if you're looking for a B movie... look no furthur.  ¶ 00:24 0 comments

  "That's the way were made, I guess, to be blinded by presense and haunted by absence"
- Gavriel, in the Gates of the Forest by Elie Wiesel
(greg is gone gone gone)  ¶ 20:34 0 comments

  Sarah Heart is crazy awesome!!!

So, I worked at Rocky's today, and I get there, la la la, & Miss Sarah had made me a beautiful note, all Ani lyrics & a drawing, and I finished the lyrics. I was really proud. We know all the words to "Fuel"; which is a very easy song to remember, but it is long. Sarah totally made my day.

"They were digging a new foundation in Manhatton, and they discovered a slave cememtary there....

... there's a fire that's just waiting for fuel, there's a fire that's just waiting for fuel" ~Ani~  ¶ 20:30 0 comments

  So. I think I will move to Washington next year, but I have not completely decided. So, here's the pros & cons of the cities I'm debating:

Bellingham:
pros:
-WWU (better in both linguistics & environmental studies... Whoa.)
-roommates
-the ocean

cons:
-money

Eau Claire:
pros:
-uwec (already enrolled & all)
-roommates (technically I do have a place to go next year)
-possibility of studying abroad
-money

cons:
-it's Eau Claire
-uwec doesn't really have the majors I want

  ¶ 20:27 0 comments

  Moving day.

Very strange moving day, at that. The people moving in (Kim & Heather) were not actually present this morning, but by the time I came home, all the dogs were, furniture, child, and of course, a washer in the hall. That's where it goes, apparently.

What I want to know is how all these dogs are going to fit here. We've got a four bedroom, average to large size house in the city. We now have four dogs, three of which are quite substantial, two cats, a ferret, and fish fish fish. We may be getting another cat. Gbzz.

On another note, I myself may be moving out soon. Nik's started the whole "I really gotta move out" thing again, and if I stay in EC next fall, it'd be feasible.
  ¶ 19:56 0 comments

  language>>>words, thought, meaning, method  ¶ 14:40 0 comments

  hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite

Ah.

I learn more and more that meaning is more in the medium and than the actual 'words'.  ¶ 14:27 0 comments

  .   ¶ 09:51 0 comments

  Dance at Macalaster Saturday. Ward is DJing! That should be good.  ¶ 09:43 0 comments

  And we get to choose what images live on after us. I wonder, what will I choose? For every action forms a memory; but the memories are not reliable & end up being made up. So....

They say time heals all wounds. But I must say I was completely unwounded at birth.

"Come out screaming it's the only time we're free" ~M. Brooks.

Well, that's not truly true. What I mean is that I was totally unaware of the wounded world I entered. Sometimes it'd be great to keep it that way; just marvel as my pet bunnies & ignore time out in service.  ¶ 09:41 0 comments

  greed
and her cohorts

***** ****
near miss
why this
now?

crimson red/periwinkle blue
which hue are you?

three parts grape, one part whole
deep deep purple

but I could only see yellow.

Because I know nothing of pride; neither can I.

"other gods just cannot see
what in future days will be...
ours is a God of true prophesy
what he foretells comes to be" ~Kingdom Melodies

"Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right??" ~Meredith Brooks
  ¶ 13:23 0 comments

  And you know, a little knowledge is a good thing; a little too much is very very bad. Can't decide if this is lust or nausea; better better better just be cramps. What eva.

Anyway...

Today I hung out with Charlie & Joe, then this weird gun guy came over & talked about his 1919 broom hoser being "uglier than homegrown sin" or maybe the other way around; either way, "uglier than homegrown sin" is an awesome phrase; weird gun guys amuse me. Guns, however, frighten me.

Joe just might have that promised Trivial Pursuit party next week. He better!

Then on to work, with Masta Jeremy, who takes the job just too seriously. I, admittedly, don't take my emploments as seriously as I ought, but really, how neccassary is it to run run run across the kitchen? He's gonna give he a heart attack.

Then I hung out with Rachel, and we went to Border's & found newly red Tony. The blue hair didn't seem to last very long, I liked it a lot. Red is good too, though. I gave Tony his Christmas present; I'm not sure if he'll like it. It's a photo I took, this one time when we were all at Nik's & Glynis used my MHS swim team sweatshirt & Tony's stripped sweater as a pillow & left them on the floor. It's a great photo, in my opinion; but most of the people I showed it to couldn't figure out what it was. Plus, printing sucks. I think I'm a decent photographer, but when it comes to printing it just won't happen. I have prints that I'm just flabbergasted at, they're so bad. I mean really, suck. Taking Photography really gives me a new appreciation for people who can get prints pretty. Like Mary, all working at Sharp & taking photos like crazy. She's a great photographer, and as far as I can tell, she can actually print too. Wow!

well... sleep. Hanging out with Erin tomorrow! Yay! And then SarahHeart, because she's not grounded anymore! Yay!  ¶ 23:38 0 comments

  A good three, wait, four hours later.... **shrug**. Shrugs are very good things.  ¶ 02:29 0 comments

  Well, after deciding no one I actually know would care about the tangent I'm on today, I decided to read some of my favorite blogs, and loe & behold, this crazy cool deviantKevin once upon a time said the same thing I wanted to say today. Rather crazy, really.

"After those 2 planes crashed into the Word Trade Center, we were all blissfully ignorant to what was happening around us. Even now, many Americans are STILL blissfully ignorant. The more I read about what the U.S. has done and what the terrorists have done, the more I anger I feel. Even further, the more I read about humanity's history of war, I feel even deeper anger. This sort of shit has been occurring since the beginning of time with no purpose other than to benefit a few people. Yet I look around me, no one seems to notice. I don't think anything will be done. Everyone is waiting for somebody else to answer the question. This is our problem.

Our world has become so big that we feel a widespread "bystander effect". The Bystander Effect is what happens in large crowds. If one person in a large crowd needs help, the more people there are in that crowd, the less likely that person will receive any help. The theory hold that the more people there are in a crowd, the more apt everyone is to think that "someone else" will help that person. So instead of feeling angry or wanting to change anything, humanity just wants to go on pointlessly. Living in blissful ignorance. [...]

But no one cares. Where is the anger?"

I will have to disagree, though, that this "kind of shit has been going on since the beginning of time". It's only been going on since the beginning of humanity, or much more specifically, the beginning of human civilization.

And really, death on a large scale has only been possible since there has been human life on such a high, concentrated scale. In what other civilization have so many people lived so closely together, so much in defiance of the earth? When you think about it, there's a certain irony, yet certain inevitabilty about the Sept. 11 attacks. I don't just mean that the US has been mucking around in other's bussiness for way too long; but the fact that both skyscrapers and airplanes completely seperate from anything naturally occuring; they are both stupendous efforts of humans to overcome nature; or maybe just the ground.

And I'm really glad Kevin pointed out the Bystander Effect. I totally agree, and I've seen it, though have never heard that name for it before.

The thing is, to understand anything in the world today, you have to first think about population. There are 7 billion persons alive today.

I have a mathematical mynd, but I literally cannot comprehend numbers bigger than 500. They lose meaning; I just can't picture them. Talk about money? A thousand is beyond grasp equally as 30 thousand as equally as a duo dicillion. I'll simply never have such a surplus of money; or until I do I cannot understand big numbers.

Same goes for people. If you really think about it, how many people do you know? A hundred well, maybe; a thousand acquantanices. More than that? You'd forget them, and they'd forget you. So how can we really understand the true number of people who died in the attacks, much less the sheer number of people in the world?

The one thing I learned in Calculus was as X approaches infinity, H goes toward zero, and though H never reaches zero (because X itself never really reaches infinity) , we can assume at some point that these infintesimals are, in fact, zero. That is literally all you need to accept to understand Calculus.

So apply this mathematical theory to modern life. As the population, for some practical purposes, approaches infinity, you, H, one division of the overall population, approach zero. So you are literally nothing in the world as a whole. It's like in Econ where they say a single buyer can't alter the market. Way for education to make a person feel impotent!

Collaging once, I found one of my favorite clippings, "The Infintesimal Gets Smaller" I laughed out loud, and Rachel R. was over, so I explained the whole Calc "an infintesimal is zero, really because otherwise the world don't make sense" thing to her, but I don't think she got the irony.

But it's total crap. I suppose I will be lame & say I can't believe this because to my cat, my sister, a few of my friends (not to mention me mumsie) I am the world, blah bla bla. I don't have a good reason today. But just like saying "it's just human nature- people are bad" I simply can't accept it.   ¶ 22:27 0 comments

  Do this simple test:

Think of how many brand names you can. Maybe write them down, give yourself five minutes. Count them.

Think of how many plant species (excluding food; you can exclude food brand names too if it seems fairer to you that way) you can. Write them down too, same five minutes. Count them too.

Compare the numbers. How does it make you feel?

"You tell me, how does it make you feel? because we can choose between the colours of the lipstick on the whores, and we know the difference between the font of twenty percent more! and the font of teriayaki, you tell me what's real" ~Ani~  ¶ 22:20 0 comments

  "& it's easy for me to tell you, that my love for you is sincere, I once stumbled, on these feelings, I once stumbled, on these words, something you don't ever stumble on dear.
oh you were so baroque, all of those words, just to tell me no, and you were so soft spoken, like all the others, who said you weren't broken, o they just let you go
When you're three days down the highway
& you're looking like i feel
it takes a lot to keep it going
it takes a lot to keep it real
take some time for yourself
and learn to
yield" ~Indigo Girls~

Yes, I know I've already extensively quoted this one on my blog. "but every pop song on the radio is suddenly speaking to me" ~Ani~. Well, not those crappy pop songs. But other songs, ya'know. "i found religinon in the greeting card isle, now I know hallmark was right....because art may imitate life, but life imitates TV" ~Ani~  ¶ 22:15 0 comments

  My father says, "follow the dimes"

My mother says, "believe in the One True God."  ¶ 22:10 0 comments

  Well, go figure....

See which Greek Goddess you are.

  ¶ 22:06 0 comments

  !



Which British Band Are You?

Not that I even know who they are.... I am always behind.  ¶ 21:27 0 comments

  I have Thomas, I am wearing Elyse's scarf, Nate's hat, and my sister's blanket. (and clothes, YOU) But I'm still in a bad mood.   ¶ 21:21 0 comments

  There is nothing greedier than a desire for joy in one's own life; except perhaps regret. I won't even go into guilt.  ¶ 21:17 0 comments

  The road to normality is deceptively easy. Sometimes I find myself so far along it; I am afraid.

I spent most of the day with Elyse. She woke me up at the ungodly hour of 8 am, yes, you know it, the morning. Not really early, but my sleep schedule lately has been... nonexistant. I really need to work on that.

I hate the radio. Almost more than anything else I hate, it is Clear Channel Communications & the few other national radio conglomerates. I hate the artists that they play, I hate their DJs, I hate their bussiness. Above all else, I hate advertising. Advertising is fundamently morally wrong, and there is no way you can get around that. It may be well written, it may be cute, it may actually be selling you something you'd want anyway. But it is coercian, and coercian is the worst thing humans have ever done to each other.

Okay, okay, it's a very mild form of coercian. Not like slavery, or prostition, or bribery, or the multitude of things we do, but it is coercian. Some say civilization is built on coercian; i personally think it's built on alcohol, but that's another story. Coercian is wrong. There is no compatibility between it & compassion. None. They're simply irreconsilable. Impossible to compromise. "Compassionate Conservative" is a contradiction in terms. But that, too, is another story.

So, in case you couldn't tell, I listened to the radio more today than since that one time in 7th grade when I discovered this thing we call "music". Elyse likes the radio a lot. I can't understand it. Okay, another gripe: the lyrics? WTF?

"she fucking hates me" well, we all fucking hate ourselves. Why else do we live in cities? smoke? drive cars?

"sweat till all my clothes come off" i'll show you clothes come off. But I have a better idea, ay. Think till our memes melt off. It's truly possible!!

It truly must be possible; or we are all truly screwed.   ¶ 21:10 0 comments

  AOL is making me so angry. So many errors, so little time! How can we go on?

Today was a bizzarely wonderful day. I was very tired all day, so everything was hilarious. I hung out with Tony, Lauren, Elyse & Alex, though not altogether, and a quick stop at Racy's in the middle. Elyse wanted to take photos, but we didn't, so we're going to do that tommorroww. Alex wanted a Reese's Peices peice very very badly but I am a very very bad person so we battled for it & it ended up on the floor. Then we watched Bjork videos. Bjork is awesome. Bjork is beautiful. Bjork can sing.

I talked to my dad's girlfriend, Kim, for a long time today. It was strange, but I think I'm starting to like her. She calls her daughter "sista" which weirds me out a little, but other than that the slight southern accent is in fact charming. I think it would be good for her & Heather (sista) to move here; she's never home & a middle schooler really should have a parent at home. (just my opinion) Her middle son, James, however... I do not want him here. I'm not a very big fan of potheads. He's the same grade as Rachel, and somehow, the family dynamic doesn't fit. He wants to move to his dad's house anyway. Make it so.

I feel bad that Sarah's grounded. I missed her today. In my life, Alex & Sarah have taught me one very important thing: the value of funny noises. Alex reigns King, Sarah Queen, and I am the visiting monarch from a small kingdom independent since the ninth century but never fully realized. With their guidance, I will rise again. Just like Luxemburg!!

"he can tear steel as easily as I tear a crossaint" -Alex (french accent french accent french accent!!!)

"they took the bowflex to AFGHANISTAN?!" -Abbey

"I don't want your pity hugs" -Sarah I.

Thomas is quite a wonderful cat. I am going to go sleep for a very, very long time.  ¶ 23:58 0 comments

  Listened to Tony's Christmas Mix yesterday. Siskel was right.

"Do you want to stay in bed all day?
Do you remember feeling any other way?"  ¶ 08:51 0 comments

 
Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla  ¶ 07:37 0 comments

  My mother & my sister are off to a reception in Chicago, for my friend Suzanne, who got married. It should go without saying that Suzanne & co are Witnesses, but I said it because the story only makes sense if you know this.

Justin has a thing right now for Witness literature. "The great thing is, it's all just a joke to me" -Justin-. Sure, it's a joke to me too. Too bad the joke is on me. I could wake up one day and forget about it all if I really wanted to.

Not today though. My mother called me several times this morning, "you would have fun, you were invited, you need to meet more nice Christians." Thanks mom! I'll remember that!

"I'm going to be blunt, Sarah. I am happily married. Your sister is running around with more boys than she should be. You, on the other hand, should really meet a nice Christian Brother. Before too long you'll be too old."

God she's a sweetie.

My first impulse was to say, "I'm going to be blunt, mother. My interest in getting a boyfriend would never be so desperate as to look within the Watchtower Society." Instead I said, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, I'll try & see if I can come, I gotta work, blah blah blah....

You may wonder why I haven't already informed my mother that I have absolutely no interest in being a Jehovah's Witness. It's like this: Witnesses believe that if you don't accept the Truth, act on the Truth, ie, prostylize the "Truth", you will not live through Armaggedon.

Telling my mother I'm going to be Unitarian or Buddist or nothing would be like the average kid walking up to their parents and nonchalantly explaining their chosen method of suicide. You can understand how most parents just might be upset about this.

So, I've chosen to be a goat. Whateva. Again, no resolution in sight.  ¶ 07:07 0 comments

  "Katie says that I am frustrating in that to me the world is a much simpler place than it is to her." -Max-. Katie is a very wise girl.  ¶ 06:50 0 comments

  Evan is Cancer in ALL ways.  ¶ 19:47 0 comments

  Good Night, New Year.
I didn't wake up early enough this morning to say Good Morning to the New Year, and I spent all afternoon avoiding my house. I have laundry to do, see.

The Second Annual 'Nik has his twenty closest friends trash his house while he gets drunk' party was fun. Somehow not as fun as last year, but in many ways uncomparable. Completely different people, and almost completely different relationships with some of the same people. But I was succesful in the two things that make New Year's New Year's: 1) random & unnecasary car trips around 10 o'clock; 2) kissing everybody in the house. I did miss two or three.

We also succeeded in dubbing their extra bedroom The Lesbian Lover's Room, though at no point were there any lesbians present, or any sweet lovin' going on. But *shhhhh* Ben doesn't have to know that, seriously, Max & the hottest girls in EC were getting it on ALL NIGHT.

Sarah & Greg slept over in the dungeon. It was little crowded, but that is to be expected. I fell asleep relatively early; I am glad, because the day before yesterday I didn't sleep at all & I'd be sick now if I hadn't slept. I did miss hearing if Greg talked in his sleep; it's really great when he does. I remember dreaming that I was giving a speech about how sociable trees are. Hm.

Sarah's mom showed up at my house angry early this afternoon, Sarah was supposed to be home already but she was still asleep. Sarah's mom had called all 3 of my phone lines, but I didn't hear if the upstairs line rang, my cell was in my car, and the electricity went out & no one had bothered to plug it back it. Whoops. I should have done that, now Sarah is grounded for the rest of the semester. Ouch.

My sister just announced that my dad's girlfriend, Kim, and her kids Heather & James, are moving in in January. WTF?????? WHAT? This is my house, yo. MY HOUSE. MY CRAP ON THE WEST SIDE OF EAU CLAIRE FILTHY HOUSE. Since when did I give a 14 year old pothead permission to move in? And they have 3 dogs. THAT'S FOUR DOGS IN ONE HOUSE. Oh. Rachel is so...... positive. Only fools are positive. Heather gets my bedroom when I move out. My walls! I'm mourning already.

Well, that was not refreshing at all.

I must learn to ignore my sister.

Anyway, I spent a long time today with Evan & Rebs & Rachel, and I'm really really looking forward to moving to Washington. I totally don't need those walls. What EV. Glen does not believe me that I will move. Come to think of it, hardly anybody does. What EV.

Something may come up, I may not be able to move to Washington. The really really nice thing is is that Greg & Jessica & Travis are leasing a house, right down on Waterstreet, & they need another girl. So.... if I'm here, I have somewhere to go. That is very reassuring.

The word I have said the most so far this year is what- EV. Actually all i've said the past day is any variant on the friendly "whatever". I'm so, so sorry. I sincerely apologize to anyone who's heard my voice in the last 20 hours. I will stop. At least i haven't started using hand signals too...  ¶ 19:43 0 comments