Accountable Infinity However (Letters to Myself)
7 nov 2002
 
It is gorgeous outside. I should be there. Why am I here??

(in the computer lab, that is...)

My mother asked me today, "if someone accused you of being one of Jehovah's Witnesses, would there be enough evidence to convict?"

She knows.

The answer, obviously enough, is no. Not now. Not for a very long time. I have been such a fool.

I wish I could act fast, rashly. To not be afraid of the pain I'd cause by being decisive.

I told Nik once that I am not a caustic person. The conversation went something like this:
me: I don't wanna go to stanley, to that stupid hall, complain, complain, complain...
nik: all I ever hear out of you is how much you hate visiting your mom. Why not just not go?
me: I couldn't do that. just tell her no...
nik: I could tell her you gotta work (they wanted me to fill an extra shift at rocky's)
me: no. I'm gonna go. I'm not a caustic person.

But maybe I am. Not blatantly so, just quietly, under the surface caustic. Silently acerbic. Mutely mordant. But cruel & acidic all the same.

I'm sad. I consider myself a pretty nice person. Mostly.
  12:34
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rocks, by any definition/clip art indescribable

"[Her] writing suffers several inoperable zeugma and other irregularities of speech"

but the folks on the outside don't know
(feels so funny to be free)

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