2 dic 2005
it was the sort of thing
one only thinks
when staring at the sun
How people react to failure, sudden saturnine news, disappointment or disatrous denouement is most telling--of their character at large, self-perception, expectations of the world/the people they know. i think that i used to be good with these things; somewhere along the way i lost something. Looking back, i can't remember a point in my life when i felt truly relaxed or prepared for the next situation that would cross me; but it's different now. i don't even write at length like i used to (here or in ink). The sentences have become shorter and less fulfilling.
This whole week has been an ongoing comedy of errors in all things academic. i have to redo a geophysics lab (one that already was a static headache in round one), i misread my spanish essay assignment (and thus wrote it twice... sort of), i slept through spanish wendesday (and had a quiz on that material today), and finally, error pop-ups ate my hydro lab. Or something.
At about 5:30 yesterday i was staring at that terrible program, and i said very, very loudly to myself, "PEOPLE WILL STILL LOVE ME EVEN IF I CAN'T HANDLE HYDRO!" [edit: right?]
My mom called me and was even less helpful than usual; my dad called me and was uncharacteristically helpful (but still not actually helpful, the world's not THAT crazy); and i told myself over and over that it's just school. It is just school and a few bad grades aren't that big of a deal. So what if i, like, want to go to grad school and wanted to do well and, in some cases, do actually care about the material? i had some supper, some chocolate, a cigarrette, and tried to calm down. Plus, i'm always a moody brat in the winter (i hate the slush 'cause i can't walk fast, i hate the cold 'cause i can't walk slow): but i think, hey maybe this year i can handle it; this time i know what to expect.
And then, sometimes, real things happen.
But it'll be okay; Jon didn't work yesterday (he usually does on thursdays) and (after i finished redrafting that great essay) we went to the Essen House and persued alcoholism with Ans, Angie, the members of the (as of tonight defunct) band Closed Mondays, this girl Leah who i know & she knows me but neither of us know why or how, and some miscellenous friends and relatives of Ans. We sat around and we threw popcorn and we danced and i was back in my routine except it was better and i knew that enough of me really does care about these people and i had something to look forward to.
But i had nothing to say.
So i thought, even when there's nothing to say, there's always more to drink.
i don't think that's that helpful. i'll work on it. Official nap plan==action!
the setup was perfect
but life ain't a movie ¶ 09:55
one only thinks
when staring at the sun
How people react to failure, sudden saturnine news, disappointment or disatrous denouement is most telling--of their character at large, self-perception, expectations of the world/the people they know. i think that i used to be good with these things; somewhere along the way i lost something. Looking back, i can't remember a point in my life when i felt truly relaxed or prepared for the next situation that would cross me; but it's different now. i don't even write at length like i used to (here or in ink). The sentences have become shorter and less fulfilling.
This whole week has been an ongoing comedy of errors in all things academic. i have to redo a geophysics lab (one that already was a static headache in round one), i misread my spanish essay assignment (and thus wrote it twice... sort of), i slept through spanish wendesday (and had a quiz on that material today), and finally, error pop-ups ate my hydro lab. Or something.
At about 5:30 yesterday i was staring at that terrible program, and i said very, very loudly to myself, "PEOPLE WILL STILL LOVE ME EVEN IF I CAN'T HANDLE HYDRO!" [edit: right?]
My mom called me and was even less helpful than usual; my dad called me and was uncharacteristically helpful (but still not actually helpful, the world's not THAT crazy); and i told myself over and over that it's just school. It is just school and a few bad grades aren't that big of a deal. So what if i, like, want to go to grad school and wanted to do well and, in some cases, do actually care about the material? i had some supper, some chocolate, a cigarrette, and tried to calm down. Plus, i'm always a moody brat in the winter (i hate the slush 'cause i can't walk fast, i hate the cold 'cause i can't walk slow): but i think, hey maybe this year i can handle it; this time i know what to expect.
And then, sometimes, real things happen.
But it'll be okay; Jon didn't work yesterday (he usually does on thursdays) and (after i finished redrafting that great essay) we went to the Essen House and persued alcoholism with Ans, Angie, the members of the (as of tonight defunct) band Closed Mondays, this girl Leah who i know & she knows me but neither of us know why or how, and some miscellenous friends and relatives of Ans. We sat around and we threw popcorn and we danced and i was back in my routine except it was better and i knew that enough of me really does care about these people and i had something to look forward to.
But i had nothing to say.
So i thought, even when there's nothing to say, there's always more to drink.
i don't think that's that helpful. i'll work on it. Official nap plan==action!
the setup was perfect
but life ain't a movie ¶ 09:55
