14 dic 2009
“What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know, it's what we know for sure that just ain't so.”
—Mark Twain-
Yeah, i could totally do better in the update department. It was, really, a very exciting week: Heidi was in town, so Hizzouse gathering (Damian, Mo, Grady, Adam, Lawton, Josh, Eric, Blake--and homemade pizzas!), then Brenda, then Nikki's birthday party (Kirk, Ratty, Jason, Adam, accidentally my besties from second grade AND freshmen year, Brenda, Brenda's dance partner, Dan T., Nik, Stacy--so amazing to see Kirk happy!), lots of scooter's and such, pool and shopping and girls and drama and a blizzard and car accidents (only when Nik is sober) and faith and love and war. Okay the last bit may not be true, but let's just pretend it goes that far. It may go nearly that far though: i love my friends immensely, and if the things that happen between the coffee and the gin aren't real what is? And we did cover health, wealth, sickness, and buttons that open secret trap doors, so really, it's mostly there.
Met Sarah & Joe's new baby, Ezekial, the other day. By which i mean a week ago already, jesus. It's now just over a month until Stacy & Nik have hypothetical-Dexter, and eight months until Diana & Max have one too. Yesterday was pretty much the best day ever, i babysat Lauryn, got gifted chocolate by Brenda's friend Niles for no reason whatsoever, was super ditzy but got things done and even went to bed before midnight.
Mostly been 'catching up' on my internets--which i never really do anyway, so why even think i ever will?--and deciding whether or not to be upset that the Geyser's geothermal project was shut down, learning grandiloquent vocabulary with Bryan, and rereading most of xkcd now that i know there's a second punchline after the first punchline! (hover over the image omg!) And stuff. And tall boys on cold bridges and sick sisters in warm houses and getting along with my step-parents but not always my real parents and knowing too much and never enough. And still failing at always pernoctating in the same place even though i totally paid rent for the month of December, and contemplating the vast gulf between being in love and feeling loved. It's huge, it's impossible. Gulf(s) between here and there, the realities of geography and time zones, gulfs between what needs to be done and and what is possible--gulfs between life as it should be and is.
Here we go: there's more than one way to take flight, and not even Bernoulli knew how that worked. Let's be healthy, let's get paid, let's deserve the lives we want--always fails to let's just get drunk and whine about all those missed opportunities. i'm not gonna do it forever, so i'm not gonna worry--but at what point does the majority of time become always? The phone lines were down for a few hours yesterday, and once i noticed i straight up didn't care--was i as tired as i looked or as old as i felt or just plain over that? Are we asymptotically getting better or finally accepting that fate is just a crappily concealed sampling bias? i (figuratively) broke some things, i (literally) knitted a hat or two, i (both) want to be different.
Everything is possible, just not terribly probable.
All i can think is all those quotes i know: Utah, "it doesn't matter how you get there if you don't know where you're going," Ani, "you are what you do--" and so forth. Even the mythology that defines our lives is unique to this time and somehow i know there must be something more universal, less of an anachronism.
Also, there should be more coffee and less gin involved. That would probably help too.
And fuck it. All i really want to do is drive away again and let time sort it out (the blizzard was terrible for my subconscious). But many thanks to Jenny Lewis (i have seen almost all of America, and all i can say is, 'where has all the water gone?') The cold is like an eternal reality, background noise in a poorly written fugue, making my realized-three-days-later responses even less witty than normal.
flight vs. fight response (to hear so much and know so little/cancelled camping trips)
¶ 11:03 
—Mark Twain-
Yeah, i could totally do better in the update department. It was, really, a very exciting week: Heidi was in town, so Hizzouse gathering (Damian, Mo, Grady, Adam, Lawton, Josh, Eric, Blake--and homemade pizzas!), then Brenda, then Nikki's birthday party (Kirk, Ratty, Jason, Adam, accidentally my besties from second grade AND freshmen year, Brenda, Brenda's dance partner, Dan T., Nik, Stacy--so amazing to see Kirk happy!), lots of scooter's and such, pool and shopping and girls and drama and a blizzard and car accidents (only when Nik is sober) and faith and love and war. Okay the last bit may not be true, but let's just pretend it goes that far. It may go nearly that far though: i love my friends immensely, and if the things that happen between the coffee and the gin aren't real what is? And we did cover health, wealth, sickness, and buttons that open secret trap doors, so really, it's mostly there.
Met Sarah & Joe's new baby, Ezekial, the other day. By which i mean a week ago already, jesus. It's now just over a month until Stacy & Nik have hypothetical-Dexter, and eight months until Diana & Max have one too. Yesterday was pretty much the best day ever, i babysat Lauryn, got gifted chocolate by Brenda's friend Niles for no reason whatsoever, was super ditzy but got things done and even went to bed before midnight.
Mostly been 'catching up' on my internets--which i never really do anyway, so why even think i ever will?--and deciding whether or not to be upset that the Geyser's geothermal project was shut down, learning grandiloquent vocabulary with Bryan, and rereading most of xkcd now that i know there's a second punchline after the first punchline! (hover over the image omg!) And stuff. And tall boys on cold bridges and sick sisters in warm houses and getting along with my step-parents but not always my real parents and knowing too much and never enough. And still failing at always pernoctating in the same place even though i totally paid rent for the month of December, and contemplating the vast gulf between being in love and feeling loved. It's huge, it's impossible. Gulf(s) between here and there, the realities of geography and time zones, gulfs between what needs to be done and and what is possible--gulfs between life as it should be and is.
Here we go: there's more than one way to take flight, and not even Bernoulli knew how that worked. Let's be healthy, let's get paid, let's deserve the lives we want--always fails to let's just get drunk and whine about all those missed opportunities. i'm not gonna do it forever, so i'm not gonna worry--but at what point does the majority of time become always? The phone lines were down for a few hours yesterday, and once i noticed i straight up didn't care--was i as tired as i looked or as old as i felt or just plain over that? Are we asymptotically getting better or finally accepting that fate is just a crappily concealed sampling bias? i (figuratively) broke some things, i (literally) knitted a hat or two, i (both) want to be different.
Everything is possible, just not terribly probable.
All i can think is all those quotes i know: Utah, "it doesn't matter how you get there if you don't know where you're going," Ani, "you are what you do--" and so forth. Even the mythology that defines our lives is unique to this time and somehow i know there must be something more universal, less of an anachronism.
Also, there should be more coffee and less gin involved. That would probably help too.
And fuck it. All i really want to do is drive away again and let time sort it out (the blizzard was terrible for my subconscious). But many thanks to Jenny Lewis (i have seen almost all of America, and all i can say is, 'where has all the water gone?') The cold is like an eternal reality, background noise in a poorly written fugue, making my realized-three-days-later responses even less witty than normal.
