fabulous or scary? you decide!

Though i complain about it a lot, i really do like my library job. It is, for the most part, laid back and involves lots of map folding and internet surfing, which are very easy things to do. i also know how to find ANYTHING in an issue of Journal of Geophysical Research and have been exposed to more spellings of pa(e)leo than most graduate students. One day i hope this will be to my advantage. (Now, to actually get back to work....)

Jon & David (his friend/boss at the corner store, who is marvellous) introduced me Thursday to Four Star Video H(e)aven. Jon & i have a serious issue picking out movies, as we are both indecisive and have pretty much seen everything on the other's *best movie ever!* lists, so we brought David along to ease the process (shall we say?). We ended up getting Naked Lunch. None of us have ever read any Burroughs, and Jon hates/fears bugs (good choice, eh?).

So add to my movie list, people. Before it happens again! [though it was hilarious; i mean, not so much for the narrative/plot thing, but alien mobsters in the gay bar? and typewriter murders? and randomly Morocco is the subconcious of the beat? amazing!]

And tommorrow is our 6th month anniversary.  ¶ 08:45 0 comments

  geomythology makes the news

coming up next: interpretive geodance hits it big!

(every time i have a random idea, i google it a few months later and the world has already done it)  ¶ 11:15 2 comments

  file onto the greed train the greed train

Somebody buy me this book!

Maybe for a graduation present??

In other news, my wiscmail is past 95% capacity so i am no longer able to send anything out/get anything in. i've been reading through the archives, deleting stuff, and realizing more and more that some things never never change (and i'm sure i'll say exactly the same thing in years to come).

my new email is the same acronym (at) uwalumni.com, for those of you interested in updating those things.

an excerpt or two from years upon years ago [like, when i transferred here, that is]:
email from mother, Feb 2004;
Subject : RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is your email
[[stuff]]
BALANCE ALL OF THESE:
fun---work---God---enough sleep--checkbook---breath---drink---eat---clothing----shelter---freinds--family--?????

Love from home, Mom and Johnnie and Rachel Grace and all the critters be happy missyou love momma

/mom

the [[stuff]] was furthur notes on getting good grades, the bad job market, etc. You know, what i read on a daily basis.

All i do is information management (not that there's anything wrong with that, it just doesn't actually feel productive).

regular day regular okay  ¶ 22:53 0 comments

  have i ever mentioned that my sister is the most delightful person alive? because she is.  ¶ 10:05 2 comments

  virtual march to end genocide in Darfur  ¶ 15:53 0 comments

  Thomas! No really, it's Thomas!

Walked through a swamp yesterday with uus from across the land after the Ellis concert. Ellis sings folk well and talks about Geology! What's not to love?

driving down Washington, talking about stuff;
"That doesn't make you a lesbian, it just makes you pantless!"--Incognito--

um, other stuff;
"And he won! Advanced roll down a hill in a box!"

and the best way to end an extremely tangential story?
you heard it here first: [unless you were with me at the salvaged bonfire at 2am last night]

"But it's okay, I was on absinthe."--We'll just call her "C"--  ¶ 12:25 3 comments

  DA (met the uu kids on the street, made ridiculous screenprinted shirts and rocked out), trip to Milwaukee (Elyse's show, zhja!), Ellis tonight. This weekend==something like crazy!

Somehow yesterday i got on the "i am a failure" topic while talking with Jon. His response was, "But aren't you a girl genius?" The thing here is that i don't get why everyone assumes when i say "i'm failing" they think i mean "i'm not doing as well as i would like in my classes." Because intelligence (or turning in stuff on time, whatever), itself, has very little to do with it. For me to feel like a success i would need to respond differently at a fundamental level.  ¶ 08:55 0 comments

  heaven's trapdoors  ¶ 11:01 0 comments

  oil wars and water wars

The Denis Sullivan isn't hiring for next year! So much for plan B!
Screwed! Again! No!

Now, let's ignore the burning buildings of my "future" and talk about the great symbol of my education!

Logistics stuff for graduation fun-ness is (are? fuck! whatever!) coming together. The logistics for graduation are coming together. Ceremony at 10, then lunch with dad/grandma/RGE/friends who can show up that Sunday. Supper with mom/Denise/relatives who don't hate me/RGE either Saturday night or Sunday night.

So Dad/Robin/grandma are driving down together, and RGE with mom. Hitch rides with those people, peoples! And Bryan just might pick up Tony that Saturday! Yay! Yet again, Bryan's selfishness is my hero (because he doesn't actually want to do me a favour by picking up Tony, he wants to visit other people in the cities anyway, and Tony's just convienent). For like 2 days there it looked like only mom was able/willing to get Tony, and we all know that's not a fun idea. [Or... could it be? Depends how you design the accident, Tony.]

And i think Jon's driving me to Elyse's showing Friday! How nice is that? (i seriously need to become even slightly self-suffiecient before these random favours pile up) And speaking of Jon, he mostly has the GIS app that he's been talking about for a month in, so he's good with a "future made of success, yay" and i don't have to hear about that one anymore.

scene: Tuesday thin-section microstuctures lab
JoAnne: "I think I'm coming down with Japanese Encephalitis!"
Ryan: "Already?!"
JoAnne: "Or was it encephatitis?"

(geologists? who needs med school?!)  ¶ 15:08 2 comments

  three weeks left. Again today, i freaked out. i don't know how to assign Madison as anything other than 'total failure!' in my head (and myself by proxy). There's just something not fair about college being a waking nightmare. And i know, intellectually, that this reaction makes no sense; if i hate Madison why i am so upset about being forced to leave? For those of you on-it enough to be asking that, it's because i feel that i really am a failure and am not liking adding one-more-SHIT-why'd i let that happen? to my list.

This summer will be good though. The boss at the library STILL hasn't decided if i'm working there, after talking with my roommate about it, i realized (/he told me) that if they can't figure out if i have a job, i don't need to have loyalty to them (ie., schedule my life around it) and i can (/really SHOULD) be looking for another job. so i am, sort of.

My-my, what a perky entry. Sorry guys....

i should really comment on the AWESOME things that are going on; such as, Dave's Andrea threw a party friday and it was fun, her random drunk friends invited me to go to Colorado, and though they won't hold me to it, it was funny to talk about a "trip;" we had spicy pasta for group-supper yesterday; it was nice out today... um... stuff. i really am trying here, promise.

Rachel is coming, Beth is coming, Bryce is coming, this summer will be good (but it doesn't make me much less bitter to be holding myself up with that). But Jason and Julie are heading east, and other people too....

it might even be... excellent? mm? Rachel! Is! Going to live in my house! Oh my god!

And we're going to roadtrip to Washington in August. How amazing is that? And who else wants to come? i firmly believe the more people go, the more economical it will be. This has been the subject of much debate, so i won't bore you with the details.

"#2 worst way to die? Kick-punching a bear off a cliff that was lit on fire!"  ¶ 18:47 2 comments

  just show me the way
to the next whiskey bar
let's don't ask why
let's don't ask why  ¶ 13:21 0 comments

  Q: What type of rheology best describes a ductile shear zone?

A: Plastic.

This post brought to you by 'sarah really ought to be studying, but she'd rather read stuff on the internet.'

and if that question didn't get you down, have a look at a random geologist from Duluth demonstrating cleavage refraction with her arms!

yay Van Hise rock! i shall measure every bit of you!

including your enveloping surfaces!

i would just like to say, for the record, that my intuition on the paleostrain was correct here (and now my prof thinks i'm 23% less retarded than he did before!).

and a random geologist from Illinois who is just delighted with that fold!

i actually can't tell if that's the same outcrop we saw, but whatever

okay, done for now.

scene: Watching Howl's Magic Castle (which is quite entertaining!)
onscreen: *giant chicken-demon thing with one leg*
In: "Oh my! Now that looks familiar!"  ¶ 09:31 0 comments

  “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” --Martin Luther King Jr.--

and you know what? despite the 'sarah forgot her chill pill' post yesterday, today i stand in the halls of academia. Despite the fact certain people think i'm a bit doomed for doing it. There is a review session for the structure test tonight, oh, around sunset, and guess what? i'm going to study for that test around then.

i'm not saying school is more important* than church, i'm just saying this is the decision i've made, so with it i shall stick. *read: the measure of a man

those sentences were very messy. hm.

on a much lighter topic, Soup is Tasty!

J: "To prove my point, you must name someone dead."
M: "Mother Teresa."
J: "Not dead enough!"  ¶ 15:02 0 comments

  tommorrow the sun will set on Nissan fourteenth

Intellectually i knew that i would feel like shit; but then to feel it and to have had no idea just how bad it would be was a system shock.

Because last N-14 [let's use code words now, because no one's going to care or know what i'm talking about except for RGE anyway] i was in the desert with boys i'd never talked to before hiking and talking rocks and the weather was gorgeous and no-one even mynded that i smoked and i felt smart and alive and i borrowed sleeping bags and played frisbee and fell off cliffs and ate so much healthy food and there was a campfire and we all had a future--but that didn't really matter--and when the moon rose, i was in a cave about to sleep and all these wonderful people were there and i didn't have to apologize.

and i barely even had to qualify it (because the calendar was not myne and the car wasn't myne and that made sense).

Because i got away with it once, i thought the next year would be easier and then the rest of my life would be okay.

but it won't be. no matter what i do, i will have failed.

and i don't know how to stop internalizing failure. i don't know how to rationalize the past or furthur rationalize my reality. i don't know how to change anything.

can i be a good person anyway?

and tommorrow the sun will set on Nissan fourteenth  ¶ 16:04 2 comments

  ask for a laptop; get a ufo

What a crazy weekend. Last Geology fieldtrip as an undergrad; saw Baraboo of course. Everybody was oddly down--it seems everyone is just finishing degree requirements and getting the hell out (sad!). Jon's parents were in town for Easter, we went to Brats and saw the very-end-bit of the hockey game. Which Wisconsin won, to much rejoicing (for the record, that was the first championship game i saw as an undergrad here, and it was by accident). Mike's drunk friend poured beer all over my leg, so he bought me a Gin & Tonic for forgiveness and the whole thing was very odd. i think i'm only going to see Jon's relations in bars--that's just how it is ("HOW ARE YOU?" "GOOD. AND YOU?" *WISCONSIN HOCKEY FANS SCREAM* *SARAH GETS BEER ON PANTS* "HAS JON APPLIED FOR ANY JOBS YET?" *DRUNK SOPHOMORE SCREAMS* *ET CETERA!*). Easter itself remains a mystery to me. Then there was a girl's-night-out, involving several people who only know each other because of boys. Good times, great oldies, and i am so done with "college."

i really want to get my wrist pierced.

sunshine, wrong clocks, Ukrainian folk songs & the gold mines of Australia  ¶ 15:10 3 comments

  the webcomic that never was





  ¶ 20:54 2 comments

  "El Salvador is an inspiration," he told me recently, an important victory in what he called "the counterrevolution of conscience."  ¶ 11:32 0 comments

  'if you get a sink, yer rent goes up!'

while i should be answering this in an academic way:
In a situation in which many scientists arrive at similar concepts in a particular period, does it matter much just who is described as a discoverer? Examine the development of the conservation of energy, in order to show how and why scientists use such a label. Should the concept of discovery dominate historians’ approaches to the development of thermodynamics?

i amuse myself with this instead.

which makes me wonder how i ever got this far.

as far as that essay goes, i ended up making a distinction between science and the historical study of science. Jon was quite intrigued that i'd write a whole paper on "a technicality." Which is funny as our most involved conversations are usually on technicalities (and subtechnicalities and so on).

minutes later, on the subject of vegetarianism:
Jon:"I would eat the sun in order to defeat Superman."
Me:"i'd only eat a weasel that had eaten a weasel that had eaten Superman."
Jon:"This is besides the point. We all know it'd be impossible for me to eat Batman. Wait, I still don't get why you're a vegetarian."  ¶ 11:10 0 comments

  while i should be answering this in an academic way:
In a situation in which many scientists arrive at similar concepts in a particular period, does it matter much just who is described as a discoverer? Examine the development of the conservation of energy, in order to show how and why scientists use such a label. Should the concept of discovery dominate historians’ approaches to the development of thermodynamics?

i amuse myself with this instead.  ¶ 18:18 0 comments

  ode to finishing degree requirements in a freshmen class;

scene: sarah's power-lecture
Prof: "What is an ethnic group in the middle east?"
Boy: "Hispanics!"

And speaking of retarded things, there's debate on the Nature site over whether or not Tiktaalik roseae is a missing link (or indeed whether evolution exists or not). Thank you, creationists. That stuff is downright funny at this point (and furthurmore i'm in a good enough mood to see the humour). (NYT article too)

What the creationists apparently still don't get is that evolution is the unifying paradigm in biology. Nothing in biology makes sense without it. As T.S. Kuhn said in 1973 or so, “No natural history can be interpreted in the absence of at least some implicit body of intertwined theoretical and methodological belief that permits selection, evaluation, and criticism." Searching for new fossils would be meaningless without the paradigm; no scientist thinks that the paradigm itself is infallible. The creationist "arguments" are moot and have been well explored*, the pertinent debates in biology are not whether or not evolution happens.

anyway, off of that well-worn subject (until i happen across more hilarity in the wild west of the internet) i have, like, a real thing or two to do today and like 6 hours of library map-folding on the plate instead (have i mentioned that our geological maps of Japan are not in alphabetical order in Japanese or English? or any numerical order? i hate the world!). This summer will be nice. i shall sleep in a lot, drink coffee-mochas in honour to Yemen a lot, make pretty collages, watch Ratchel bite Dave, and maybe even go swimming. And camping with multiple guitars and such.

So i lied. i have more randomness to sound off on within 'debates in science.' GSA recently did a special publication on "Sustainable Minerals Operations in the Developing World." Reading it Tuesday led me to Mines & Communities, a thinktank-sort of org on whether or not mining could be sustainable.

Now, what i don't understand is why biology takes all the heat. Geologists walk the razor's edge; half are environmentalists and half are oil or mining people (Not even the structure people can avoid picking a side at some point). And some are both. Some do both well (which always intrigues me).

Furthurmore, sustainability is much more impacted by whether or not we figure a way out of the oil crisis or not and whether or not growth can continue. It doesn't actually matter to the future of humankind that we're an "end product" of 3 billion years of evolution; it matters to the future of humankind that we live through our destruction of our environment. Geologists both understand this fundamentally and have midwifed dependence on non-renewables. While i hear people everyday 'questioning' Darwin, does anybody ever question Dietz or Edwin Drake?

Obviously, people probably 'debate' bio because it's closer to home, there are recognizable names to pick on and it is, in the end, a simplistic topic. Not that i personally want people to be questioning my paradigms as a geologist (i do that plenty myself, don't you worry) but i'm beginning to think most people are too caught up in little things to see the bigger (acutally pertinent) problems.

kinda like my mom asking me if i miss my cat when i have $12 to last till summer. Yes.

i've been thinking about mining a lot lately. Given that i have only one 'legimate' (read: career-enhancing, father-approved) option for next year, i'm in a pretty bad place if it doesn't come through. My wild card was the fact that i've taken Economic Geology [and did well in it] and that that is a high-paying industry. i talked with my advisor about it a bit; he was less enthusiastic than i had hoped. Basically, i can definitely get a job "depending on what you're willing to do." i'm not sure if he meant i don't seem the mining type (with my northern wisconssin dirty cafe girl thing going on, that would be understandable) or if he remembers my freshman year sounding-off on environmentalism. And i don't know--and so far none of the companies i've looked into are too promising, but it's a real option and i'd really like to be a real geologist for awhile (haven't gotten over the whole can't afford field camp thing at all). And yes, mining is fundamentally unsustainable (but it will be done anyway).

i also registered for graduation today. i don't think i could be less excited about it. i just want to cry everytime i do mention it so i'm not going to talk about it anymore (probably).

Well, who wants to come down for it? Ratchel, dad already said you should come. Dad & Grandma are, and RGE obviously. Yuap.

*from Bates to Gould, et cetera

"The missing link created far more interest than all the chains and explanations of being."--Marshall McLuhan--  ¶ 09:09 0 comments

  Swaraj & Bry-bry are probably both already tired of my newest revelation, but anyway:

i have come to the conclusion that the most feminine thing about me is that most of the males i deal with on a regular basis think i am irrational.

well, RGE pointed out i wear skirts, have long hair, and wear earrings, but that's all cosmetic stuff (i.e, not substantial).

and so on. Anthro this week was on gender roles (yay writing opinioned papers without a fresh paradigm!), and i think i got conned into going to the V-monologues tommorrow.

"In a generation where the most important battles have already been fought, some females can even deny feminism is important; i even have found myself accepting that it’s not important anymore. [...] Equality between the sexes in America today would be the option to have both a career and a family and have neither suffer."  ¶ 12:36 5 comments

  it's goin' around

Johari thing

[edit:]

And Nohari thing

You know what's funny? Explaining johari/nohari things to those without an internet psuedoself, or indeed any connection to online-ness at all. ("it's a... group perception personality test." "Yeah... but why?")



and now! a return to everybody's favorite feature of arvesse.blogspot.com! The non-sequitor of the day typed from my daily conversations!
*cue glittery music and women wearing weird swimsuits!*

"I am the global warming of heaven! Correlation but no causation--they can't prove a thing nor will they let me in."--Incognito--

  ¶ 22:00 3 comments

  life in the big city

Well, sort of.

So Thursday, right? My neighbor (let's call him JR) was walking home from school & decided to visit the co-op where he lived last year. As soon as he entered, one of the other residents there (not even recognizing him) went into a long suicidal rant, and poor JR simply did not know what to do! So he took care of his errand and began walking home to our neighborhood. A homeless black man stopped him on his way, saying, 'maybe the people will give you money, white boy,' and so JR tried to beg for money for the homeless man, but failed and then it began to rain. Other crazy things happened on this walk home, but i don't remember what.

i was dancing to Shiva at the time of these occurances.

So JR returns home, Dave & i are sitting around doing homework/generally complaining about our stressful lives, and goes into a very long rant on the abovementioned events among others, ending with me saying, "Well JR, you have now learned a life lesson or two. You could not talk that acquaintance out of suicide, and you also know not to become homeless because you are not good at begging for money."

This was crazy because it was so much randomness in one day. JR; "People in New York must go through this every day, suicidal friends, homeless people, dancing to Shiva, and a term paper! Oye!"

and then i committed a dire slip of tongue.

"At some point you have to accept that you just can't help some people. i limit myself to one suicide prevention per year."

Now, my friends here are loving, liberal, nice people. But they don't actually know me that well or get me. So the above came off as very caustic.

And maybe it is, but at some point we just don't have that storehouse of positive emotion to hold us up. i have talked people out of suicide; i've talked myself out of suicide. i've also hung up on calls thinking, 'if i have to talk her out of it one more time i'll kill her myself!' And no, it's not funny; it's just how it is.

But don't you notice that we're haphazard about the whole thing? Like suicide is easy? Because it's not. The body has reactions and at the last second will always change your mynd for you. And we all know the rest.

So pick some minorly self-destructive thing to do to yourself (drink, smoke, etc) and do it as far as your health will allow and try really hard to pick up the pieces. Because there's no way out but up.

And we're smart enough to do that together.

And more than good enough.

Earlier this week, Wendesday, i had an intensely localized bout of self-loathing. Turning in the app to JOI was stressful; it's impossible in a cover letter to express why i'd want to work for them. Why science inspires me and why i have to keep moving in that direction. Why i can't do well in school yet think i'd do well in that world. Why i kid myself that science management is the answer. Smoking & then sitting waiting for the Gandhi lecture to start, phone on silent Jon calls; just to say he was at my house rather than his waiting for me & Dave: the point here is the boy doesn't get me but he does love me. He wants to get me, and maybe one day he will; in any case a blinking phone reminding me those people out there who care are there no matter where i am in cycles of self-hatred and uselessness.

And you know, i'm that person for many of you. You've been that person for me at times. i'm mostly alone in Madison, but Madison ain't all my world, ECites unite you'll always be myne.

i can't do enough for you everyday, but that doesn't mean i don't want to.

dreams of death in a small town  ¶ 12:15 3 comments

  slums, oh dear

after feeling vaguely sick all week, today my symptoms manifested themselves as one dealable-with malady. this is a good thing.

um. i am soooooooooo boring lately.

but i did watch Highlander last night, which is apparently a classic. Why, all those years ago, did we never have a "catch sarah up on the 80s" fest? These things still crop up.

i thought about cutting my hair, and even got Angie to volunteer to go with me (because there's a locks of love hair drive going on next week). When i asked my mom if that was okay with her, she told me to go to church more often. i took that as a "no." When i ran the idea past Jon, he said "Oh no, not again." Since he wouldn't specify who this comment was referencing, i'll have to assume some ex-girlfriend and take that as a "no" also. Not that i need these people's permissions to cut my hair, but i'm now thinking no; it's easier to take care of the damn stuff than to talk about it all the time.

Oye.  ¶ 09:43 4 comments